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A blog by Gail Evans
Positivity is one of those ideas that seems to be the answer to many of our psychological ills.
It makes us feel good to live positively for absolute sure…but I’d like to highlight something that is often misunderstood about the idea of being “positive”.
Let’s take “The Law Of Attraction” as an example of one area where I see “positivity” being used inappropriately.
Many follow the idea that the law of attraction prescribes “positivity” as the antidote to the lack we see in our lives.
In order to manifest your dream guy or girl for example, or your dream pay check and dream home you can’t allow yourself to focus on lack…you have to remain “high vibe” right!?
Shift your energy from lack to one of positivity, attract into your life that which you desire and from this place you can simply enjoy the flow of abundance that is waiting for you and all will be fabulous in your life!
The problem with this idea, whilst the premise is true, is that often the issue people are actually trying to resolve by being positive is not the issue of lack…but the issue of unhappiness.
We often believe that the things we “lack”, once found, will remedy this…but this most often isn’t the case.
Unhappiness is a by product… the resulting emotion of a deeper truth…which is that we are mostly walking around in a state of unfulfillment!
I’ll come back to this, but firstly let’s understand more about positivity and what is actually is first…so here are some points I’d like to share:
Positivity sourced from alignment and then integrated is an attitude!
An attitude that says that in my moments of “lack” I am still worthy even if I don’t feel it. I am still loveable, even if right now I don’t fully believe it and I am still on track, even if I feel like I’ve fallen off the wagon!
This kind of positivity is embodied and will keep you “rolling with the punches” that life will undoubtedly bring your way.
A positivity that has a strong voice from within and bubbles up through the shadowy soup of *un-love, is actually the result of having cultivated faith.
Now, I’m not talking religion here…I’m talking about a faith in something greater than your “smallness” and greater often than our “humanness”.
This can be God, The Universe, Source…a faith in your community, the ideals you hold within yourself that you deem to be important…a faith in synchronicity or some kind of inner guidance & intuition…a faith in good hearted like-minded people and a faith in life itself serving some kind of higher purpose.
Without faith, in my experience in my own life and after working with many people who have lost theirs, I see that the ones who have faith…have hope!
And if you have hope, you can reach even the smallest ounce of positivity on the days where you feel like you are failing.
Positivity is not something to be used as a way of avoiding our negative emotions.
Remember this…”All Emotions Are Valid”
Your negative emotions are always trying to tell you something about yourself and if you learn to listen in a conscious way…you will find GOLD in there!
Now…I don’t mean that your feeling of unworthiness needs to be validated as if you ARE in fact unworthy…but what I am saying is that the thought and feeling that is telling you this is a part of you that desperately requires your love and attention.
This is why I am a huge advocate of learning how to connect to your inner child and of cultivating the skill of self parenting.
It’s your own internal “parent”… your own *soul voice…that is the precursor to a grounded and embodied sense of positivity!
By embodying your own inner parent, you now no longer need to embrace “fake it till you make it” positivity…you can instead allow yourself to “feel it till you real it” (ok, I know..but it rhymes right!).
This means you now allow your negative emotions to speak without denying them. You stop squashing them underneath your desire to remain “positive”.
Instead, you give your emotions the space they need to speak and you now have the necessary skill to connect with them in a loving way.
You love yourself into positivity rather than hide yourself behind the fake kind!
Without becoming a loving parent to ourselves…for ourselves…we lose the ability to self care, to nurture ourselves, to honour ourselves and to heal ourselves.
WITH a loving internal parent we begin to acknowledge our innate worthiness and our love-ability.
We validate ourselves where no other can and we strive for better where before we would perhaps shy away.
Essentially we begin to cultivate positivity from our depths rather than hide behind it inside the shallows of “fake positivity”.
As I said at the beginning, positivity is one of those ideas that seems to be the answer to many of our psychological ills.
It makes us feel good to be positive…but only so long as that positivity is REAL!
Finally, coming back to the issue of using positivity to cover unhappiness and unfulfillment…
If you find that you are trying to remain positive in order to release yourself from the grip of unhappiness, it’s time to focus on becoming a more fulfilled version of you.
Most often when we are feeling unhappy and victimised we have lost our connection to our truth and we don’t really know who we are.
It’s hard to find fulfilment when you don’t know “who” you are dealing with and what would truly help you to feel fulfilled in life.
We try to fill the gap often with partners, jobs, money, food or addictions of some kind…but this creates a kind of dopamine fix. It’s not lasting.
Lasting fulfilment leads to a positive outlook on life and vice versa.
In order to find lasting fulfilment, you firstly have to remove the blocks to creating it rather than “positively pretend” your way into it!
Find the limiting beliefs you have inside, write them down and then learn to lovingly remove those that don’t serve you.
Embrace ones that do serve you by cultivating a compassionate, nurturing disciplined and action taking parental voice inside.
This is what will take you to positivity….the cultivation of it internally…rather than the appearance of it externally!
*un-love – my description of the lack of love that often lies within us
*Soul Voice – the voice inside of you that never speaks badly about you or others or life…it often requires practicing being loving with yourself before it speaks automatically and is heard easily!
THIS IS A GUEST FEATURE WRITTEN BY GAIL EVANS
Soul Alignment Coach, Gail Evans, is the Creator of 12 week Soul Alignment Program ALIGN, The Soul Led Business School & her Money Blocks Blueprint Series.
She has worked for many years guiding people towards reconnecting with their Inner Child, encouraging them to cultivate a connection to their Soul Voice.
Gail prides herself in delivering the very best tools towards developing Conscious Awareness, allowing you to become a fully realised & empowered version of yourself!
You can find out more about Gail on Instagram & Clubhouse (search for Gail Evans on Clubhouse).
Gail runs a free 6 day “Clear Your Conditioning” Challenge which is running soon, you can sign up for this here
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Next in our Positivity Blog Series I have shared my journey on keeping my mind and therefore my life positive.
Next in our Positivity Blog Series we have the lovely Rebecca from Temple De Luna. Rebecca talks about her journey of infusing her life with skin positivity with lots of tips that I think we could all use in our life!